Don't Lose Yourself Trying to Find Him


He seems perfect; tall, handsome, funny, nice body, intelligent, he drives AND your signs are compatible...sounds too good to be true right ?Because it is...after a couple of weeks of getting to know each other, you realize the courtship is not going as you expected and it's going no where, but you don't want to stop talking to him because he's everything that you've dreamed of.

You find yourself getting more and more attached to the potential and the "idea of him" but his reality isn't measuring up at all. You do not want to complain and scare him off because that is not your boyfriend but he calls you bae, baby, babe, tells you how amazing you are and you guys text all day and send each other pictures and make plans to "hang out" and "chill" but something always happens to prevent you guys from actually getting together. You're confused as to what's going on. You start to feel pathetic because you find yourself accepting his excuses and you even find yourself making up excuses for him and brushing off things that from any other guy, or any other person, you would acknowledge as not being okay. and cut them off immediately. He becomes distant...and you start hearing from him less and less until you do not hear from him at all. Now you are confused and heartbroken.

You start questioning everything, including yourself. Where did he go? Why did he disappear? Should I hit him up? Why is he treating me like this when I was so nice to him? What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Why does this keep happening?

Truth is. Nothing is wrong with you. Every woman has gone through this, some more than others, but it depends on how long it takes for you to realize what went wrong and the mistake you keep making. The important thing to remember and understand is that you cannot change anyone or make anyone do anything they do not want to do. The only person you can change is yourself.

If you have found yourself in this situation more once take time to yourself to remember who you are. Remember the morals you have and the values you have and do not allow any guy to make you lower your standards or compromise those core values, no matter how perfect you think he is or how fine he looks without a shirt.

Always remember.

Keep Your Life. 

Keep Your Standards.

 Keep True.

Keep Cool.

It is often here where we do not realize we mess up and lose ourselves trying to get or keep a guy, I will keep the explanation brief so you can remember. Keep your life Before you knew about the guy, you had extracurricular activities and hobbies you enjoyed, a job, friends and school that you were dedicated to and your own way of going about things. Often times when we are really attracted to a guy we want to show him that we care by taking interest in the things that he takes interest in and giving him a lot of attention at the expense of our own time and activities and obligations. We all know that friend that once she gets a man, we do not see or hear from her until she has problems or they break up because all of her time, and your friend time becomes "his" time, whether he asked for it or not. She figures friends and family will always be there so she can put everything second because she's trying to prove to him that he is important to her, but she never stops to realize that he does not cancel his activities or bail on his friends for her and she ends up lost when things crumble, or causes him to lose attraction for her because the very things about her that initially intrigued him, she no longer partakes in. When all of your focus is on a guy and you no longer participate in your own routines you realize little things like how long it takes for him to text back or that he said he would call at 3 and he didn't call until 5. After a while you stop doing things to be on call for him, making yourself too available, miserable and ultimately you lose yourself and him. Keep your standards If you told yourself that you want to go on actual dates and not just "chill" at his house all the time, or you do not want to have sex with him until you guys both understand and agree that you are in an exclusive relationship, do not allow the desperation of wanting to keep him force you to do things that you do not want to do. Either he respects your wishes, especially if they are within reason, or he can exit stage left. He decides to leave then consider it a blessing because if he is unwilling to compromise, that would have caused a problem later down the line. We become so caught up in the fear of losing a guy and they smell that fear and see how far you would go to keep him around, all the while he is gradually losing his interest and respect in you. Keep true and keep cool Focus on your personal projects and goals, and multitask with the guys, that way until someone shows that they are worth your time you do not invest too much of it in them. Never let them see you sweat or get your panties in a bunch, especially if that is not your boyfriend because your time and energy has so many other places to be channeled rather than wasted on a guy that does not take you seriously. Do not be afraid to give him the boot if he lacks effort, has an abundance of excuses and makes you compromise your values to benefit him. We love to give the reason, "but he has so much potential" as our justification for "sticking around" but do not fall in love with potential of the future if the reality of the present situation is less than satisfying and stressing you out. Dating should be fun and the interest and efforts should be present from both parties.