Refusing to be refused
R.I.P. to Tiarah Poyau, a student killed because she asked a man to stop grinding on her at the J'Ouvert parade early on the morning of September 5th. Women have been getting harassed since the beginning of time by catcalling and we figure being polite or simply ignoring it will make the unwanted attention go away, or make the men leave us alone, but in recent news, and especially in the wake of Tiarah Poyau's murder and other women being slashed and beat up for rejecting men it makes us women fear for our lives and puts a lot of women in a very uncomfortable space.
Men Aren't Afraid Of Rejection. They Are Afraid Of EMBARRASSMENT. Rejection triggers something with their egos that causes them to snap.
So because a woman
- asked a man to stop grinding on her
- ignored a man catcalling
- rejected a man's sexual advances
- does not continue the conversation after a guy yells "Good morning"
- does not stop to talk to the guy
- politely declines taking a man's number
- declines a drink
- does not want more than just a friendship
they became the victims of assault and murder.
Some of the many women attacked for rejecting men. These are the stories we do not hear about.
Driven by feelings of inadequacy these men attempt to harm and destroy what | who they can't have and it's infuriating.
What happened to our right to say no ? No doesn't mean try harder or try again !
I cannot tell you how many times my friends and I have been cursed out because of refusing to dance with a guy who was obviously a creep looking for feels. That's what makes Tiarah Poyau's story so real to women every where. Guys have a complex where they feel the need to try harder because they cannot believe or refuse to grasp the concept of someone not wanting them or not wanting to be bother with them. After a woman says no there is a barrage of questions like; Are you gay ? You have a boyfriend ? You have trust issues ? Instead of just taking the rejection and walking away. People get rejected everyday.
Their masculinity is so fragile that they lash out and attack. The heartbreaking part is to see a trend of fragile masculinity within the black male community. Our men our killing us. In the minds of these men, if we as women do not want them there must be something wrong with us.
Who wants to be groped to trap music, or any music for that matter by someone off beat and trying to cling to you ? Who wants to be hit on when you already have a boyfriend ? Who would stop and indulge in conversation by some guy yelling from the car or across the street or a group of guys for that matter ? These guys do not care about the situations that they put women in and how comfort level affects responses.
If she's not interested, she's supposed to pretend and take your number out of fear for her not to contact you anyway ? Either way SHE'S NOT INTERESTED.
Why do men feel the need to talk AT women aggressively instead of being polite in trying to get a women's attention ? What's so hard about accepting a no ? Is a no not a clear indicator of a women not being interested ? Just because a man buys a woman a drink he's entitled to her ? So men would rather a woman give her number to get him out of her face than accept the fact that she was is not interested ?
"As women, we get used to the idea that we have to prepare ourselves, that we have to respond 'appropriately' to men's advances," McCleary-Sills said. "A man calls out on the street, and you decide: Do you want to ignore him and risk hearing what he says, or give a half-hearted smile and hope it's enough?"When women are shot in the chest outside bars or have their necks slashed by men they don't know — men who just wanted to tell them they looked nice or buy them a drink or take them out sometime — the media does occasionally takes notice, which opens up a dialogue about the misogynist motivation for these crimes.
There's no nice way to reject a man.