We've all done it before ... texting or messaging someone we're not quite interested in and the conversation isn't interesting either so we just stop responding in hopes of the person disappearing. So I've learned in recent conversation this is called "ghosting." Ghosting is when you disappear on someone without explanation. The problem with ghosting is your problems, and the person doesn't actually disappear.
I mean if you don't have anything nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything right ? Wrong. I myself have learned that ghosting is wrong. There is a way to express the want to cease communication without being rude. Honesty is key. A big problem with learning and growing from relationships (not just romantic relationships) is that we ask for open communication and honesty but given the opportunity to be open or honest or receive that type of communication we disappear. Literally.
- The fear of hurting someone's feelings
- The fear of being honest, the other person not liking what you say and them not wanting to talk to you anymore
- Not being comfortable with communicating and expressing thoughts and feelings
These are some of the main reasons we go ghost on someone, at least that's what I can say from being someone who used to go ghost and has had people go ghost on her. Sometimes people unfortunately are just straight up messed up and they go ghost selfishly to make the other person suffer and have lingering thoughts and questions, to be stuck on them while they move on with their lives. It's horrible, I've heard stories before and I couldn't believe that people could be so careless in regards to the way other people feel.
What does ghosting do to you ?
What does ghosting do to the other person ?
Going ghost suppressing feelings that aren't expressed. Some people really do struggle with expressing themselves, holding it in however is not healthy. If you can't vocally express how you feel, write it, type it, whatever it takes to get your point out where the person can understand the message you're trying to get across.
Going ghost hinders development in communication. We have to grasp the concept that we're not going to like everyone, everyone is not going to like us, we out grow people, we disagree with people, we do have feelings that do get hurt, (not talking about them doesn't make them go away) sometimes you and another person may not be on the same page and that leaves space for miscommunication, sometimes you need space and sometimes you want out. Out of a friendship, relationship, job, whatever it maybe.
Just know the worst thing that you can say is nothing. Going ghost on a person whether is a friend, boyfriend, ex, person you're just getting to know, employer, or parent is wrong because it leaves a trail of confusion and starts a cycle of resentment*. If you're honest and the person can't handle it then that person most differently is not for you. Going ghost is not a way to end things, it leaves things open for interpretation and misinterpretation. This is why especially with exes or dating we get stuck with those people that disappear and continuously pop back up, we didn't set things straight, they may have questions and they want answers. No one is a mind reader so they won't be able to "get the hint" or "figure out" why you disappeared on them.
Do yourself a favor and give the person some type of respect (even if you didn't want to give them your number in the first place and they annoyingly found a way to convince you to give it to them *ijs*) and let them know what's going on. Just think how you felt that time someone disappeared on you and you found yourself racking your brain and questioning yourself why and how much of a toll it took on you.
No one deserves to have someone go ghost on them.
*lack of communication leaves room for miscommunication*