Setting Boundaries

Whether you are just getting to know your bae, or you’ve been together for a while, it is important to have clear boundaries in place. You may need to remind yourself or bae of them from time to time though because when you really start to love someone they (or you) may start crossing boundaries or allowing them to be crossed.

Having clear boundaries is important to keep the respect and protect yourself from losing yourself in a relationship. Love is blind and sometimes our emotions and feeling the need to please our partner at all costs often results in us doing things we normally wouldn’t or that is against our morals or values.

 Photo Credit: Google Images

Photo Credit: Google Images

Set boundaries as so to not lose yourself in your partner.

Set boundaries before you start dating to make sure communication is clear.

If you are not able to communicate and express yourself with your partner or create that dialogue with the person that you are dating or with then perhaps you should reconsider how you communicate, or the person that you are communicating with.

When setting boundaries and working to develop and maintain a healthy relationship it is crucial to communicate honestly, take responsibility and remember to apologize and remember that you are their partner, not parent.  A relationship should not be monitoring a person’s actions or trying to mold someone into the person YOU want them to be. Your partner is your friend. Your best friend who you love and want to grow with and support in their individual growth.

There are emotional boundaries, physical boundaries and in today’s day and age, “digital” or technological boundaries.

 Photo credit: Google Images

Photo credit: Google Images

Here is a list that I resonated with from LoveisRespect (for more visit LoveisRespect.org

Emotional Boundaries:

It is easy let your emotions take over when you are really into someone. I agree with the list on the site of LoveisRespect.org when it says that it is important to set boundaries with:

·         the “L” word

·         having time a part

Your partner should never feel forced to reciprocate, the hope is that they would want to but again it should not be expected.

 Photo credit: Google Images

Photo credit: Google Images

Physical Boundaries:

While you maybe in a relationship and share everything, your body is still your body and your partner has to respect it. No amount of years in a relationship gives anyone the right to disrespect your body or wishes, and you should never feel trapped where you cannot or do not feel comfortable saying no.

Some boundaries to think about 

·         Taking your time getting physical

·         Sex and feeling comfortable saying no and not feeling that you owe your partner sex

Digital Boundaries:

 Photo Credit: Google Images

Photo Credit: Google Images

With digital boundaries it is more about level of comfort and understanding that the digital presence and presentation of your relationship is not end all be all. It is also about what is okay and not okay with using your partner’s devices and passwords etc. Remember, what works for one couple and in one relationship may not work with another, so it is important to communicate.

Jay-Z-looks-over-at-wife-Beyonce-during-the-2013-NBA-All-Star-game.jpg

Some boundaries to think about

·         Posting your partner, tagging your partner

·         Checking your partner’s phone

·         Following each other and each other’s friends

Love is not always about expectations, it’s about understanding and having regard for the feelings, requests and rights that your partner has as a person.