What About Your Friends ?
Often times we work really hard to maintain our romantic relationships but we tend to take our friendships for granted. We treat our romantic relationships like a yacht and friendships like that safety boat that we expect to always be there without checking up on it or any maintenance at all.
The same way we work to make sure that our man is happy is the same way we should work to make sure our friends are happy.
Let’s talk about friendship maintenance and development.
Building the Foundation for Your Friendship
Normally friendships blossom from little events or common interests. It is important to build a strong foundation for your friendships in order for it to grow properly. A friendship based on a common dislike for a person is not going to have a long as a life span as a friendship developed based on something like your love for dance.
Friends...How Many of Us Have Them ?
“A friend is someone that you have a mutual affection for, exclusive of sexual or family relations”
With that being said, how many of us have them ?
Time & Distance
We outgrow people and that's okay. What's not okay is feeling like you have to hold on to a friendship because of the amount of years you've known someone. The length of time doesn’t determine strength of a friendship and it also does not make you obligated to stay in a toxic friendship either. Repeatedly I hear stories of people falling into a comfort zone in a friendship where they tolerate, as well as engage in, mistreatment and neglect which ultimately hinders personal growth. The sad part is because of how long we’ve known someone a friendship ends up feeling more like a jail sentence as opposed to a liberating experience of growing with someone you care about.
I do believe that it is possible to meet someone and instantly click like your souls have been friends for ever. Your friendships develops through situations and communication and most importantly CHOICES.
You choose your friends. You choose to reach out to your friends. You choose to hold a grudge. You choose to communicate. You choose to let go.
Know when to let go.
Any long distance relationship is difficult, but a long distance friendship is extra challenging because we're so used to having that physical presence. It's hard not being able to run to your friend’s house or go out with your friend to a party or brunch because they're not there.
Long distance does make friendships stronger because it requires more effort to maintain the feel of them “never having left.”
As we grow older it gets easier to figure out who was your friend out of the convenience of proximity and who will actually stand the test of time. This is especially true after high school and college graduation. With high school, there are a handful of people that I have kept in contact with but I actually only have 3 friends that 11 years later, have stood the test of time. Those friends are the ones who have made efforts to stay connected and incorporate themselves into my post high school/college lifestyle.
In college friendships start because of convenience, it could be your roommate, classmate, study partner, or someone you’re in an organization with, but the bottom line is you see college friends everyday so friendships develop quickly. Once you start working or don’t have as many classes together or live off campus you really start to see who your friends are. Like saying goes there is a difference between having time and making time.
“You can respect people who find time in their busy schedule for you, but you have to love the ones who don’t look at their schedule when you need them.”
Time will truly tell.
Moving Past Fights
We won’t always agree with our friends, but unless she stole your man, your money or killed your cat, there is no reason to hold a grudge with your friend.
If it is that much of an issue you should be able to talk it out. When we are upset, pride muzzles communication, however we should be able to be vulnerable with our friends and openly express emotion in order to move forward.
How to Express Yourself When You’re Upset with Your Friend.
State what made you upset. Do not worry so much about finding the best way to word it because that allows for the emotion to fester.
Express how the action made you feel using...FEELINGS. (Mad, sad, jealous, disappointed, etc.)
State what you need to hear, see or have done in order for you to move past your emotion.
As a friend, it is then up to them to decide if your feelings matter to them and they do what needs to be done or compromise in order to move pass whatever roadblock you have reached, and the same applies if you upset your friend.
Best Traits to have A Friend
3 Simple Steps to Maintain Your Friendship
Check on Them/Giving a little TLC (“Tea”, Laughs and Chill Time)
Getting a random call/text or pop up means more than some people can describe and it’s one of those things that you can’t ask someone to do. It comes from genuinely wanting to see someone and actually making an effort to, regardless of a busy schedule. The same way you make accommodations for your man you can make it for your girl(s).
Remembering the Little Things
We all want to be remembered.
Birthdays, graduations, allergies, favorite foods...we share these little things that makes us happy and quirky. We share these little things that makes us different in hopes of finding someone else who likes it too, but also hoping that when we open up and share that someone is actually listening.
Communication and Encouragement
Friends are people who want the best for you and good friends provide encouragement and honesty even when we don’t want to hear it, but it is with our best interest at heart.