How I Met Your Mother
How I Met Your Mother
this blog post about is about dating.
*to some this maybe a foreign subject.*
not how to, but the defects of dating in this generation (Generation Y & Z). let's be honest, point out the problem(s) and perhaps stimulate minds to generate possible solution and change.
"I met your dad on SoulSwipe & after our Netflix and chill session I knew he was mine, well I kinda knew," "I didn't want to be alone and your dad was the first guy to ever double text me, so I fell in love." is what we'll tell our kids or "Your mom fronted on me at first but after a while she finally gave in a settled for me"
Where is the creativity, consistency and passion in courting ?
Welcome to "The Confused-I Want-To-Hide-My-Emotions-But-Be-Full-Of-Them-But-Get-Upset-When-My-Emotions-And-NonOffical-Relationship-Isnt-Respected-Because-Im-Single-And-Lonely-But-I-Dont-Want-A-Relationship-But-The-Person-Im-"Talking"-To-Better-Not-Be-Talking-To-Anyone-Else" Generation
Trying to find love, mistaking infatuation for love and struggling to accept the fact that wanting a relationship is OKAY are just a couple of issues that taint the dating pool.
Let's start off with emotions. One of the biggest problems is looking at emotion as a hindrance to communication and development.
Feeling is an awareness by your body of something in it or on it, and feeling is an emotional state or reaction. Emotion is a strong feeling. You are human and if you like someone you develop feelings and show emotion. It's normal, do not let anyone tell you other wise.
Usually when people tell you you're too emotional it's often because they are not comfortable with their emotions or the expression of it.
Don't ever get guilt tripped into accepting just ANY gestures of courtship simply because guys don't know how or what courting is. You don't have to be "grateful" that anyone is giving you attention because the right guy will be willing and more than happy to do what makes you happy.
Affection is not a one size fits all, what works for one woman does not work on the next.
So what are we dealing with when it comes to dating ?
- A generation where most relationships die before they reach the face to face stage
- A generation of accepting mediocrity from guys whose potential we know is greater than any action they'd ever take
- A generation scared to show love and give love as if it is a limited entity
- A generation where those who show emotion are crucified & labeled as too sensitive
- A generation where long distance relationships don't exist because neither does trust
- A generation where we get into relationships expecting the person to know us when don't know ourselves
- A selfish generation that uses self development as an asterisk in the fine print of a developing relationship to avoid commitment
- A generation dependent on the affection and attention of another
- A generation who can commit to inanimate objects and groups of people but not the process of learning themselves or someone they care about
- A generation that'll try harder at 2K and have patience to stand in line for concert tickets or sneakers but not the patience to work on their relationship
- A generation that put more thought into their social media network than the people they connect with
- A generation where we have children, not out of love, not to start a family and build a legacy but off of the strength of a person having good genes
- A generation where consistency is rare
- A generation where "wifey" and "hubby" material come cheap by the yard
- A generation where the value of the relationship is determined by the aesthetics rather than the actual happiness and content
- A generation keeping secrets from our partners and exposing our secrets to the Internet
- A generation where sex is a determining factor and the foundation in which relationships are built upon
- A generation where a guy would rather explore between your legs than between your ears.
Do not be discouraged. Dating is a process of getting to know what you like, what you don't like and who you can and cannot vibe with. There's absolutely no rush. One of the best ways to avoid or attempt to easily resolve any of these situations if you find yourself in one is to be honest with yourself and listen to your gut and your mind and your heart. The gut is your instincts which are usually right from the beginning, but when your heart feels otherwise the mind listens to the heart and thinks of ways in which we can end up happy in a situation where we may not currently be happy.
One thing however that we fail to do is to look at a situation for what it is. We often become so blinded by our infatuation that we dress up the potential of a person so nicely that we end up not being able to see the person and situation for what it really is. That and also we allow someone that we are interested in to get away with waaay more fouls than we would allow anyone else to, so if we start putting our foot down for things that we don't like and situations that we do not agree with and that goes against our wishes or ethics, some of these unpleasant situations would not drag out for as long as they do.
We have such a fear of being alone or not being able to find the perfect person, or someone better, or feeling the need to find a soulmate, that we go to drastic measures and put ourselves in predicaments that are avoidable. You can have more than one soulmate, a soulmate is not a forever thing, they change your life and leave so that you can move forth and take your lessons onto the next phase of your life, because just like clothes you can out grow your 'soulmate.' Problem is we aren't really good at letting go and aren't very open to change either. Change is good. Dating is trial and error and every time you date doesn't mean it's supposed to last forever.
If at first you don't succeed...
Be true to yourself, be patient, be real about your feelings and if it's not up to your standards and you're not happy, express your grievances and if you don't see change move forward.